February 16, 2015

I couldn't tell you how many lasagnes I've made lifetime, nor gallons of soup, nor hamburgers, nor sides of fries, chicken tenders, steaks, Alfredo sauces, meat sauces, red sauces, grilled cheeses, sandwich wraps, salads, tacos, burritos, special this-es, special thats, house veggies, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, fried fishes, grilled fishes, baked fishes, and on and on. I imagine the rough estimate of bellies full that I've in some way helped fill to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 250,000-300,000 bellies.  That's probably a pretty honest estimate that I'd feel safe giving a +/- of about 25,000.  Add a little salt to the numbers, and you lose the equation altogether.  Old people hate salt.  And, where salt should only be utilized to enhance flavors, and, for the love of all things holy trinity, not solely as a spice, what's a mathematical equation with salty numbers added to it?  Old people like mathematical equations and hate salt.  Albert Einstein probably hated salt. Game, set, match.
Food is different.  There's no real equation in the food world.  Sure, there's probably not a whole lot, if anything, that hasn't been done with food.  And, it is a fact that some things work, some things don't work, and most things work a whole lot better when you add bacon.  But everything is never exactly the same.  Eventually, the point I'll get to if I ramble along long enough is that there's a script which has been handed down since man discovered fire.  This script has been edited along the way and sort of let's you know what does and doesn't work when cooking, but the script always leaves room for more edits.  Maple bacon donuts, case and point.
The first rule is that there are no exact rules, and dishes are made their own by the one holding the spice jar.  Cooking is an art form loosely based off of what someone did a long long time ago, and you edited.  That's why everyone's spaghetti is a little bit different.  In spaghetti, you will always have the basic red sauce or meat sauce with pasta, because that's what spaghetti is, but mine's always going to have more oregano than everyone else because I like oregano, and I feel like the rest of the world should like it too. Mathematical equations, on the other hand, are set in stone. In math, once salt-hating Albert Einstein got around to E=mc^2 and proved it, the game was over.  E has ever since equaled mc^2. On the flip side, if it were an equation, Spaghetti would merely squiggly-line-equal spaghetti because no two spaghettis are created the same way.  At the end of the day, the only mathematical equation you have to worry about when creating food is food=good or food=bad. It's caveman art.

To be continued...